The Beginning

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew You...Jeremiah 1:5." When I think back to the day I was told that my unborn child, my baby girl, might have Down Syndrome....its simply a blurr. It was like I was living some one else's life, like this couldn't possible happen to me. After all I was only 24, Im too young, right? Did you know that the majority of women who have a child born with down syndrome are under the age of 30? I sure didnt, not until I found out about my daughter. "Mam?... So what did you decide? Would you like to have the amnio?" I was stunned, frozen. I answer "yes" and shortly there after I was being preped to have my stomach poked with this giant needle, that frankly scared the living crap out of me.
 It felt like ages as the days went by, waiting and waiting. The entire time thinking to myself that everything was going to be ok, everything would be OK. 
February 1st, 2009..... I woke up that morning like always, got the kids ready for school, dropped them off, and headed home to do some morning chores. My husband Jake just left for a walk with our dogs, he had been off work for a couple weeks due to bad weather. I Turned the tv on and turned it to "A baby story" on TLC while I folded some laundry, thats when my phone rang. I looked at the number, it was an unfamiliar number, I answered... "hello?" You could hear the nervousness in my voice. "Mrs. Cox?" "yes this is she," I replied. "This is Dr. so n so, we have your results from the amnio..... Im sorry but it does in fact show Trisomy 21.....Mrs. Cox?.......Are you there?" "yes im here" "Are there any questions?" "Yes.....Will I still be able to breastfeed?"..... That was all I could seem to get out, I was in shock, and alone. When I got off the phone I imediately began to sob, I called my husband, no answer. I called my mom, she answered and I couldnt say anything, I just cried and cried, and she knew. I didnt have to say anything. We both cried, and she told me it would all be ok. I remember telling her I shouldn't be crying, because it wasnt fair. This was my child, and I loved her, and she deserved this life. I told myself to be thankful, that this was ok, in my head over and over, Its ok...Its ok..... I heard the front door shut a couple minutes later.... Jake was finally home. At this time I had crawled back into bed, where I lay there crying. He came over to me...."Tara? whats wrong? Are you ok?" I couldnt even get a single word out, I just sat up and cried...... he knew right away and came over to me and we hugged, and we cried together. We told eachother that everything would be ok, and he told me he promissed he would love her, no matter what. He was so brave.
Those few weeks after we found out were probably the hardest of my life. I had good days and bad days, but mostly I prepared myself for what was to come. I was going to have this baby girl that was going to need me more than ever and I needed to be strong for her. Little did I know that this would turn out to be one of the most greatest adventures of my life!

Baby Girl Alivia Rayne, 4-23-2009