What I didn't know

This is and original post I wrote when my daughter was about a year old.

"I didnt now I wanted a child with Down Syndrome until I had one" I often visit the Baby Center site and on one of the mother's signatures that is what it said. Once I read it my eyes teared up and I began to smile.
As a woman, you plan to have children, and get what I guess you would call 'the perfect image' of what it will be like. You expect at moments it will be difficult, because lets face it, rasing kids isn't a walk in the park. BUT what you dont expect is for God to hand you a child that will have to face more obstacles, one that will have to try twice as hard to walk, twice as hard talk, twice as hard to read, and who has to try twice as hard to figure out a simple math problem.
When I first found out Alivia would be born with Down Syndrome I was more scared than I had ever been in my entire life. I grew up around other kids who had DS, and went to school with them, but as far as knowlege went I had none. So I began to research, I found some great information and met alot of great and strong women with children who also happend to have DS. I was surprised at how 'Normal' their live's actually were, and that comforted me.
I met a little girl Laney, absolutely adorable, and the same age as my daughter Avery. Laney also has Down Syndrome. We played at the park, and I watched as the girls played together. I realised I wasnt that scared anymore. I imagined Avery playing with Alivia when she is older and imagined all the fun they will have together. She is a great Big Sister.
We never expect the unexpected, I guess is what Im trying to say. We have our lives planned out, no room for change. That is how it was for me anyway, until I was blessed with my beautiful baby girl. She changed my life. If I would of known how great my life would be with her in it, I would have prayed for her a long time ago!  She has taught me to appreciate the small things, to slow down and live in the moment. She has taught me that no matter how hard a task might be, to never give up, Keep trying and you WILL succeed. We are eachothers teachers, but mostly she is mine.

July 23,2011
My sister-in-law's wedding

My Little Miracle

Here are a couple of photos of my sweet little girl from the time she was in the hospital to a week old.



My Little Angel 1 - day old



Smiling for the Camera

Getting annoyed of Mom taking too many pictures.

Alivia Rayne sleeping peacfully.

The moment I saw her, I saw this beautiful baby girl. I didn't see the Down Syndrome, I saw my child. I love her more than anything in this world and feel blessed to be her mother. She has changed me in ways that not even I understand but for it I am greatful. She is mine.

The Beginning

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew You...Jeremiah 1:5." When I think back to the day I was told that my unborn child, my baby girl, might have Down Syndrome....its simply a blurr. It was like I was living some one else's life, like this couldn't possible happen to me. After all I was only 24, Im too young, right? Did you know that the majority of women who have a child born with down syndrome are under the age of 30? I sure didnt, not until I found out about my daughter. "Mam?... So what did you decide? Would you like to have the amnio?" I was stunned, frozen. I answer "yes" and shortly there after I was being preped to have my stomach poked with this giant needle, that frankly scared the living crap out of me.
 It felt like ages as the days went by, waiting and waiting. The entire time thinking to myself that everything was going to be ok, everything would be OK. 
February 1st, 2009..... I woke up that morning like always, got the kids ready for school, dropped them off, and headed home to do some morning chores. My husband Jake just left for a walk with our dogs, he had been off work for a couple weeks due to bad weather. I Turned the tv on and turned it to "A baby story" on TLC while I folded some laundry, thats when my phone rang. I looked at the number, it was an unfamiliar number, I answered... "hello?" You could hear the nervousness in my voice. "Mrs. Cox?" "yes this is she," I replied. "This is Dr. so n so, we have your results from the amnio..... Im sorry but it does in fact show Trisomy 21.....Mrs. Cox?.......Are you there?" "yes im here" "Are there any questions?" "Yes.....Will I still be able to breastfeed?"..... That was all I could seem to get out, I was in shock, and alone. When I got off the phone I imediately began to sob, I called my husband, no answer. I called my mom, she answered and I couldnt say anything, I just cried and cried, and she knew. I didnt have to say anything. We both cried, and she told me it would all be ok. I remember telling her I shouldn't be crying, because it wasnt fair. This was my child, and I loved her, and she deserved this life. I told myself to be thankful, that this was ok, in my head over and over, Its ok...Its ok..... I heard the front door shut a couple minutes later.... Jake was finally home. At this time I had crawled back into bed, where I lay there crying. He came over to me...."Tara? whats wrong? Are you ok?" I couldnt even get a single word out, I just sat up and cried...... he knew right away and came over to me and we hugged, and we cried together. We told eachother that everything would be ok, and he told me he promissed he would love her, no matter what. He was so brave.
Those few weeks after we found out were probably the hardest of my life. I had good days and bad days, but mostly I prepared myself for what was to come. I was going to have this baby girl that was going to need me more than ever and I needed to be strong for her. Little did I know that this would turn out to be one of the most greatest adventures of my life!

Baby Girl Alivia Rayne, 4-23-2009